Cold Weather Today and Colder Ahead!

We are at a blustery 5.4F tonight - and the thermometer is slipping downward as darkness arrives. The wind has been gusty and frigid out of the north all day. Just a great day to stay inside by the fire or anywhere that it's warm. We did see a few periods of sunshine, and that was very nice, but there was absolutely no warmth at all in the sun. It was just no match for that sharp Arctic air flowing down over us from Canada. The forecast is for a generally cold week ahead, with nights at or below zero. Appropriate weather for January here, but such a change from the unseasonably warm weather we had a week ago, it's taking all of us a little time and grit to get accustomed to it.

 Recently an old friend (yes, she is old like me, but also, we've been friends for many decades) was lamenting that hardly any of our friends are left. Whenever we talk, we try not to compare aches and pains, but invariable the subject of creaky joints, foggy vision or some other ailment comes up. Then, when I was cleaning out some file drawers earlier this week I came upon this poem I had saved many years ago. It goes like this: 

 OLD AGE IS HELL

The body gets stiff, you get cramps in your legs

Corns on your feet as big as hen’s eggs,

Gas in your stomach, elimination is poor

Take Ex-lax at night, but then you’re not sure.

You soak in the tub or the body will smell,

It’s just like I said: OLD AGE IS HELL!

The teeth start decaying, eyesight is poor,

Hair falling out all over the floor,

Sex life is over, it’s a thing of the past,

Don’t kid yourself, friends, even that doesn’t last.

Can’t go to parties, don’t dance anymore

Just putting it mildly, you’re a hell of a bore.

Liquor is out, can’t take a chance

The bladder is weak, might pee in your pants.

Nothing to plan for, nothing to expect

Just the mailman bringing your Social Security check.

Now, be sure your affairs are in order and your will is made right

Or on the way to your grave, there’ll be a hell of a fight.

So, if this year you feel fairly well,

Thank God you’re alive, although Old AGE IS HELL.

There was no indication of who wrote this little poem, so I searched the internet, and found two authors, Geraldine Purse and  Oro Cas both credited with exactly the same verse. However, i also came up with another, more recent version, this one apparently written by someone named Lisha Forshee:

Old Age is Hell

Face full of wrinkles, got a second chin
Hair is all greying, needs dying again
Don't quite remember these curves being there
And when did my hips get so big and square

Eyesight is failing, hearing bout gone
Arms waving bye bye, lost all their tone
OMG what happened to my chest
What used to point onward now points SE & SW

Gravity is not prejudice, it grabs us all
What once was so perky has taken a big fall
Arther and Rhitis have both moved in
Now Bengay and Icyhot are my new best friends

They say that the memory is the first thing to go
Slowly forgetting all that we know
Mother Nature is cruel, this we know well
Take it from me, old age is hell.

During my search, I found several other really amusing but fairly long verses that I won't post here, but there were two that I especially liked - the first, a parody on a familiar prayer:

"God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference." (I can relate to that.)

And then a bit of wisdom:

"At age 20 we worry about what others think of us; at age 40 we don't care what they think of us; at age 60 we realize that they haven't been thinking of us at all." I would add to that - "at age 80 we're just happy when anyone thinks of us."

I hope I'm leaving you smiling tonight - getting old isn't really funny at all, but it can be liberating because we've earned the right to speak our mind. 

Stay warm and safe, and keep your animals the same. Be careful, and good night.